Resolved: A Year of Small Things

It was a good year, 2008.  There were some curve balls, and times of worry, but so many good things, too.  My daughter was granted the diagnosis that has opened doors and smoothed her path through school, my baby boy is thriving in kindergarten, and... I opened a yarn business!  Seven skeins back in the spring, and look at it now.  Life is good.

As 2008 winds down, I've been giving considerable thought to the matter of resolutions (the kids, on the other hand, have been giving considerable thought to strategies for staying up 'til midnight.)

My 2009 resolution has been percolating insistently for some time, yet I'm finding it unusually difficult to articulate.  I'm not sure even now that it makes sense to anyone but myself, but I think it's coming around close to what I mean, and it boils down to this: Making the world a better place by giving myself permission to focus on small things.

A little background: Coming from multiple generations of "world savers," I grew up immersed in the belief (both implied and explicit) that one must do great deeds at a vast distance from one's culture of origin in order to be truly Good Enough.  "Charity begins at home" was a platitude for cop-outs, a convenient excuse for those too attached to worldly comforts to make a contribution of any real substance.  From my earliest recollection, I knew I would dedicate my life to "real helping," medicine being the obvious choice.  I soon discovered though, that the easily dispensed nuts and bolts of medical care were frequently the least of my patients' needs, and more often than not what they truly craved, what would make a real and substantive difference to their suffering, were things like hope, dignity, comfort, wisdom, companionship, and self esteem. As a dedicated helper, I did my best: time (and more and more time), words of comfort and earnest advice, hope and belief willed into them with every fibre of my being.  It would be wrong to say that it was all ineffectual, but as the years went by and burnout set in, I found I was increasingly speaking words I no longer believed, trying to bestow things I didn't possess, and the moral hypocrisy of that discrepancy became intolerable. I was left hollow and exhausted, with a guilty sense of failure: still wanting to make a difference but no longer sure I had anything of substance to contribute.

Which is all a rather dark and heavy way of explaining why I'm finally ready to start over, why I need to think so hard about such a simple idea: that beginning with me, doing small things, could be a valid way to make a positive difference in the world. I suppose it could be like an experiment, a hypothesis: what would happen if these were my only resolutions? 

• I resolve to stay centred in the very smallest moment of all: the present.
• I resolve to practice contagious happiness, particularly when the obstacles to such are trivial.  There is time enough for real loss and sorrow - I resolve not to fritter away opportunities for joy.
• I resolve to practice personal optimism - to choose not to propogate the present insidious climate of gloom. 
• I resolve to be patient (especially with my kids) - not by gritting my teeth, but by choosing to be at peace.
• I resolve to stand up straight, dress with care and attention and smile in public.  (Perhaps even on camera.) 

There are larger lists and plans, of course - things I'd like to learn and do this year, strategies for parenting, goals for business - all of which will ebb and flow and reconfigure around the bumps and obstacles of daily life .... but these resolutions are what I truly hope to hold fast to. 

Happy New Year's, everyone!

    

Comments

[Ev]

I think this is my first comment on your blog and (after a bottle of wine), I wish you and yours a happy and prosperous 2009. Live, love,laugh! And most of all....LIVE!

[Ruth]

Happy New Year to you, too!

[Marilyn G]

And a Happy New Year back to you, Ruth! Thanks so much for a wonderful thought-provoking blog entry this evening, and all the best to you in 2009!

[Johanna Krishnan]

Wonderful post - beautifully written - your resolutions are very similar to mine - but much better articulated ;-)

Happy New Year and thanks for being a wonderful blogger and artist and sharing both with the world!!!

[PrincessPea]

I agree with Johanna - what wonderful post. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for those inspirational resolutions.

[Poppins]

Lovely thoughts. I, too, have found that by focusing on small things, big things happen. Not necessarily anything that the newspapers would notice, but large changes. Above all, I believe, my focus on the present and on treating life as a combined adventure and artistic canvas inspires those around me. Little ripples in the pond.

You might really enjoy reading "Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" by Kabat-Zinn. There are some astonishing ideas there, and powerful practices.

Last year and this year I've done Ali Edwards' "Word of the Year". It's a great idea - boiling down your ideas and questions into one word that focuses your approach, becomes your mantra, gives a foundation to your actions. This year my word is "Home". Like you, I'll be putting my mindfulness into the space right around me.

[mary lou]

If we all could follow that resolution to be mindful of the small things, I think perhaps the larger changes will follow. Happy 2009.

[Emilee]

What a beautiful post. Happy new year!

[Juno]

I've been thinking about something quite similar recently, that a certain kind of what is called selfishness is necessary before anything can be given away. But of course, being kind to yourself ins;t selfish its fundamentally and starting close to home strengthens the core from which making a difference can happen.

NO one can give inexhaustibly from a well that is not fed. But if you make yourself strong and well-nourished, make your loved ones strong and nourished, then anything can flow from that.

Or so it begins to seem to me. Happy new year.

[Juno]

Sigh. Got carried away. "isn't selfish, it is fundamental, and starting...."

[Ros]

Thank you - for articulating (so well) what's on my heart too. Wishing you and your family every blessing for 2009 and beyond.

[Shea]

Good for you! I think your resolutions are quite admirable. I've met many people in the medical profession who had gotten to where you were. I wish more of them would come to some of the same conclusions that you have. They would all be happier people.

[Elizabeth]

Thank you for the beauty and wisdom you share with the world on your blog. I feel the ripples and I don't even know you... :)

[Lynn in Tucson]

Happy New Year to you as well! You and your family might enjoy The Three Questions (and all of Jon J. Muth's other books as well).

[Kristy]

Happy New Year. These are admirable goals for 2009. I've learned that good works motivated by an inner drive are so much better than good works motivated by guilt and duty. Peace to you in the new year.

[Jan]

As a really bad photographer (haven't taken time to really learn the camera, let alone lighting, etc.), I really want to know how you were able to take a closeup of fire without the light blowing out the picture.

That is a beautiful picture!

And I like your goals. My husband is always telling me I can't help anyone else if I've got no health or wealth to do so (take care of yourself before you try to take care of others). Your goals seem to mesh with that.

Happy New Year, Ruth!

[Lee Ann]

Whooboy, have I got a reading list for you...

Easily three of the books on my nightstand right now have the word happiness in them. Huh. :-)

I'm not much of a meditator (I told my husband today that I could not stand to do Tai Chi because it was too slow. He nearly fell over laughing.) so I don't really do well with Kabat-Zinn and that lot. I once got a tape of K-Z's for mindfulness meditation and had to give it away because his voice sounded *exactly* like a psychotic boss whose company I had just left. Jacked my blood pressure up just to listen to the tape...

The way you expressed your goals is such a calm and measured work of eloquence that I think I'll be coming back to this post again and again to remind me that my frenetic efforts to do the same thing could use a little refinement. Happy New Year to you, my friend. Your presence and your good heart mean the world to me. And your jewelry's kinda pretty, too.... ;-)

[Pam]

I enjoyed your thoughtful post -- it brought to mind this quote from Mother Theresa (rather a world-saver herself, in her way). "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love."

You are the only person to live YOUR life, mother YOUR children. Enjoy the blessings!

Happy New Year!

[Geraldine Kiser]

A tiny thought for you....if you are at point A and heading to point B and you make a tiny change that shifts your direction minutely...you will end up at point C far, far from point B. (The mathematician in me would love to draw a graph here!) Tiny changes _can_ ultimately make a huge difference. One of the amazing things about growing older is that the results of these small changes in your life sometimes become much more obvious.

I often wonder how people who work to effect huge changes keep on going when, to me, it looks like they are going nowhere fast. I prefer to stick with things that have more immediate rewards. I need that to keep going!

Don't ever give up your blog. I love the thoughts you share, your yarn, your photography, your jewelry....it's all good! Thank you.

[Cheryl]

I am returning to knitting and am amazed at what I have forgotten! I am also new to your blogs and am really enjoying them. I recently retired from hospital nursing and can relate to and understand exactly what you are saying about your work in healthcare. Bless you for branching out and doing what you want to do. You are not selfish at all. You must care starting with yourself, if you can accomplish that all else will follow. Happy New year!!

[mel]

Happy New Year to you Ruth. Bless you for being such a caring physician and also for letting it go when you needed to. Your resolutions are beautiful and your writing has a positive impact as well - Thanks for sharing this and the time and care you put into all your posts.