It starts tomorrow.
I'm not exactly sure what to say about 2009. It has, in many ways, been extraordinarily successful: the business is finally showing signs of genuinely being able to support us, and my daughter has a wonderful teacher whose approach has allowed her to blossom in ways I feared the system would permanently squelch. It has also been a runaway train that focused the stressors of the last nine years like a magnifying glass under the sun, gathered momentum in exponential fashion over the last two months, and left me clinging by my fingernails to the edge of a very black pit.
I had (and have) developed a strategy to ultimately bring the workload under control and fulfill my overwhelming responsibilities in sustainable fashion: goals, lists, constantly improving efficiencies, time management, streamlining, prioritizing, regular slots for assessing, tweaking, reassessing. Contingencies, slush time, and back-ups upon back-ups to buffer the "manana" nature of my in-house support systems. It is genuinely good stuff, and excellent progress was made in getting non-negotiable survival needs into a stable and consistent groove. Unfortunately, I didn't get to the self-care stage of The Plan (really - insertion of a self-care slot into the schedule was slated to begin as soon as the kids went back to school next week) before the physical and emotional reserves gave out.
The bigger goals are still valid, the framework is made and ready to be fleshed out in the next interval of clarity, but the only resolution I can clearly articulate right now is to find a space of calm and a spark of pleasure in this present moment. Only that. Only now.