Resolution Day 6/26: Darkness and Light

There was some of each.

Short version: the sad truth of certain types of special needs is that despite the 24/7 managing, fretting, strategizing, teaching, supporting, therapeutic intervening, etc. that usurps every hour and every energetic fragment of a family's life, despite the wondrous gains that are made, the outside view is all too often simply that of a Bad Kid.  And we all know that Bad Kids are created by unconcerned, uninvolved Bad Parents, and therefore just need a dose of sorely lacking, in-their-face come-uppance, right? The girl tearfully confided a playdate scenario that she'd been too upset and humiliated to discuss until now, and the rejection and isolation that has resulted.  Heartbroken... that all my hypervigilance didn't anticipate and prevent this one, that the world is such a confusing, prickly, painful place for her. Long hugs, comfort, strategies for another time, more explanations of the labrynthine ways of this bizarre and tricksy world.

Dark... and Light.

Magnificent, heaping dollops of white, light play and pattern, forts and snowballs and new friends.    A book that leapt unexpectedly into my hands while shopping the other day and speaks exactly what I need right now.  A new day of promise and possibility.

 

 

 

It will be OK. Somehow, day by day, step by step, it will be OK.

PS: Speaking of day by day, I have (not surprisingly) vastly overestimated the number of free intervals I'd have for putting up seconds. I truly did not mean to be a tease... I'll try to do some more tonight after the kids are in bed and finish up tomorrow - whatever isn't up by Sunday night will just have to wait for another update. 

Comments

[Leonie]

So much sympathy from me to you on the challenging world of children's social ups and downs. We've been dealing with some of these with our eldest. One day I hope he will "get it" but until then we are going to have to deal with the heartbreak of trying to learn the social rules when you just don't understand the reasons for them. I understand that this is just a part of the challenges facing your daughter and appreciate how hard it must be for you to see her go through them, doing your best to teach her, but sometimes us all seeing Mum's just don't see everything and it is tough. Thinking of you.

[CuddleDemon]

It's good that she finally came and told you though.

Put it in perspective, even normal "good" kids end up in tough situations, rejected, or hurt.

[Grandma Cox]

Wish we were there to give her a cuddle and help heal the hurt. Hang in their mom & don't be so hard on yourself.

The beautiful pictures almost make me like winter! I am really a summer person.

[A Novel Woman]

Kids can be cruel and even other parents can be dolts sometimes, whether they mean to be or not. The most important thing is to let her know she can count on her family for a safe harbour of support and unconditional love. And it sounds like you are doing just that. It may not seem so now, but as my children head into their adult lives, they will tell you, unequivocally, that family is everything.

[Lee]

Some of my children's worst hurts were inflicted by the parents of their friends. Being an adult in age doesn't seem to be enough to insure being an adult in any other way.

Hang in there.