Pruning and Possibility

Possibility is my chosen focus for this month, and I've been thinking it through a little differently than I have in the past.

The upside to possibility is the dizzying sense of abundance, a heady combination of imagination, ability, and desire - the belief that virtually anything could be done if I put my mind to it. (Sadly, I've had to let go of my childhood dream of being the first person to walk on Mars, but pretty much everything else is still on the table.)

The flipside to that (and I'm trying very hard not to say downside, but it feels that way) is that I can't do it all. More specifically (since my feminist sensibilities are bristling): while it is entirely possible to acquire many and diverse abilities, and even to practice them simultaneously, there are real limits to the number of projects that one can accomplish in a given span of time, and those limits are even more restrictive if one hopes to do them well.

As someone whose entire persona is constructed around the notion of the overachieving underdog,  who survived the first several decades of my life on the blunt strength of Never Never Never Give Up, this pruning of possibilities doesn't sit at all well. It feels an awful lot like loss.... like giving up.  As though every sweater not knit, every design not realised, every creative thought not acted upon, is a kind of death to be regretted and grieved over. Add kids into the mix (a project unto themselves), and after a while there seem to be far more creations thwarted than completed and anticipatory loss begins to dwarf the joy.  Toss in an overabundance of "sky's the limit" inspirational articles and a jealous look at the magnificent accomplishments of all those childless fellow artists with limitless round the clock hours at their disposal, and the whole notion of possibility begins to seem like a cruel joke.

It was getting to be a death spiral, and thus my new outlook for the year began with redefining my relationship to possibility.

I took an unflinching look at the real available work time in 2011 (rather startlingly smaller than the numbers free-associating in my head), set out my project dream list and began tallying up the required hours. The initial imbalance was on the order of 5:1, and for the first time in my life, rather than resolve to drive myself harder, I began to prune. I found it helped a great deal to reframe the process as decluttering, rather than loss.  I discarded anything with a whiff of guilt about it (ie. Use Up All the Seconds), set aside projects that were sensible but failed to really excite me, and gave myself room to explore and permission to stumble and regroup along the way. (It sounds obvious, but this is really breaking new ground for me.)

One of the projects that made the cut launches with tomorrow's update, and I've been caught up in a white heat of inspiration playing with it this week... so much so that I have to give you a wee teaser:

 

Comments

[Alison]

Thank you for this post. I feel a weight lift, and my shoulders start to descend from around my ears, as I lift it. Most of this could have been written by me - it sounds so familiar!

I think I will have to declutter my expectations a bit.

(Also? What a teaser!)

[PrairiePoppins]

"Your mind means well - it wants to get things done and stay on top of things - but if you leave it in charge, you will completely burn out because your mind can go faster and farther than your body will ever be able to." ~ Jennifer Louden

I think it's important to play with possibilities and give them a place to riot with all their colours, while also containing them. I recognize a lot of what you're describing here, and one of the things I've had to realize is that I need to love myself. Love. Kindness. I have had several moments (because I always need to learn things more than once) in which I've realized I need to be as kind to myself as I am to others. It's a feeling like a benediction washing over me.

[LaurieM]

This sounds very good. You need to go read this post: http://www.yarnagogo.com/blog/2011/01/learningsomething.html It's Rachael's rules for creativity and the first one is "Creativity within constraints".

[sarah-marie]

Ruth, I completely identify with this phrasing: "...this pruning of possibilities doesn't sit at all well. It feels an awful lot like loss.... like giving up." So, I do not actually prune possibilities; instead, I separate them into active and inactive categories, and revisit every year or so. The idea is that I don't have to do/create all of these things _right_ _now_, but the information to do them later is saved. It's not always the newest inspirations that are the most gripping!

[colleen]

decluttering is good and makes more room to be creative and be excited about what you choose to work on.
OMG I must learn to do braids. the teaser is so beautiful

[Karen]

Your post struck a cord with me today, too. I immediately thought about my husband pruning our apple trees. It might seem like cutting out branches would cut production, but it allows light and air to get to the center of the tree and prevents limbs from rubbing on each other and causing damage. Before he starts, he has to spend time walking around each tree, deciding what should stay and what should go. It keeps the trees healthy. Pruning our expectations of ourselves in a thoughtful way is healthy for us, too.

[mary lou]

Great post. Thanks.

[Jan]

What a great post! I also identify with all I can't get done, and I need to turn that around myself!

Thanks for this great thinking of yours!

[dclulu]

This post resonates so much with me!

And that teaser is gor--geous!

[Annepålandet]

Beautiful colors!

[Kerri]

"the magnificent accomplishments of all those childless fellow artists with limitless round the clock hours" Hmmmm...in my humble opinion, none of their accomplishments can possibly come close to the immeasurable accomplishment you have attained in raising two beautiful children. What more magnificent creation is there than that!

Happy pruning, my friend! And whatever that little teaser is...I LOVE the colour scheme!

[Marji]

Thank you, as always. Your photos and thoughts are an inspiration.

LOVE those colors.